Classes

I'm starting to wonder if I should lower my expectations for my classes. I expect them to be more engaging, more professional, more "higher level" but we're still having silly group discussions and wasting time, not learning anything about what the specific course description says we're going to learn. Yes, maybe I should hold my complaining horses, its only the second day of class. But really, they want us to think for ourselves, why do they put us in groups and have us try to find a definition of a concept that we all agree with? That isn't thinking for ourselves or having our own opinion. That's conforming, compromising our ideas. And groups? maybe for a project, but in class discussion? No, not a fan. And adult learners? Not going to even start on that one. I need a nap...

broken.

Why do things keep breaking on/under/around me?

Yay for Birthdays!!!!

Today is Joe's birthday and we found out something wonderful about Denny's: Free Grand Slam on your birthday!!! So I treated him to a free meal! haha. Later today we're having cake and ice cream--which sarah and I will be baking soon. We'll go to Deeper tonight and it will have been a wonderful day. The weekend is going to be CRAAAAZAAYY. Friday my mom is coming up to take us to dinner, then SKATING FOR TUQUES! My favorite event!!! Then on Saturday Joe's entire family is coming up on Saturday to take us out for dinner. I'm super excited to see his sister. She's 9 and HILARIOUS. So that's my weekend of wonderfulness =)

today was...

A long day.

A boring day.

A happy day.

A redeeming day.

blogging

So, I'm thinking of shutting this thing down. Honestly, every time I get on it I get depressed about where my friendships have ended up this semester. I'm back to the high school days of no close friendships. At least that's how it feels, especially when I read the blogs of my friends. Reading them makes me feel unimportant. It makes me sad.
I really like blogging though, I have tons of happy things to say when I get on, then I get un-happy when I read others'. Maybe I'll start a new blog with no subscriptions and no subscribers. Friendless. None of my options seem anything but depressing.

So ready. . .

I'm so ready for break to be over. I think I've hit my low today. Lets hope it doesn't continue spiraling downhill, or some of the relationships I do have left my be in trouble. Unless they already are.

changing like the seasons...

So, its, what?, four days into Christmas break, a very strange, out-of-the-ordinary break, and I'm just getting around to reminiscing. First I'll address why this Christmas break has been strange and out of the ordinary. One, up until last night (yes, Monday night) I hadn't left the house. I went outside once and that was just to move my car. Sad, I know. Two, I have no plans, with anyone. This is most unusual. I feel as though I am always booked, planning one thing after another to fit into my busy, busy schedule. This could be why I haven't left the house since Friday. Three, I am enjoying being home for the most part. And much of this has to do with the fact that I now have my own room. My own space. Somewhere to go when I feel unwanted elsewhere. This, unfortunately, doesn't help me escape from the unwanted feeling I'm fighting in my head. Four, I have only talked to three friends from school, and each of them only once for about five minutes (via text). Maybe I shouldn't have made this list, because honestly, this was supposed to be my happy part of the blog, the reason this was an unusual Christmas break. As I started writing I was thinking about how this strangeness made this a much better break than previous ones. In some ways it is, but in others, I'm just sadder.

I hesitate to write any of this, because I know who will be reading it. And I love those people that will be reading it. But I'm posting it hoping they don't read it. I need some relief from my sadness and I don't want them to feel hurt. So stop reading if you are one of those people.

And now on to the reminiscing part. Beginning of the year: my friends were girls, they lived with and near me, they filled my time, things were not easy, but always entertaining. End of the semester: I can't think of one friend that I have to tell everything to. Everyone has some one, and everyone's someone is better than me. I've failed people, lost people. Things have changed. I'm ok with change. But I'm sad. And lonely. I read things on other people's blogs about plans they are making, plans without me. Yes, maybe these plans will not come to fruition, but I'm not even a consideration anymore. At least I have Joe. That may be a cop-out of sorts, maybe its the root of my problems, I'm not around anymore because of him, so being left out is my punishment. But he wants me around. I give my time to those who want me around. I'm not going to chase after people who don't think to include me. I already feel lame for not being included, so I'm not going to make myself feel worse by having others take pity on me. Its just sad. Where are my girls? Who do I have to talk to? Everything has fallen, and its taken me being alone to realize it.

Pity party for me. Now its over. Back to life.



Things to look forward to:

- Christmas!
- New years on the Grand (in Grand Rapids with JOE!!!)
- I get a massage at some point...an hour-long one =)