Catastrophe in the making.

Yeah, that's been my life for the last couple of days. I am sad, but dealing quite well with it. I have had my happy moments, but I think those have caused all of the problems I've had in the last few days. I'm all good and happy, then I return to my reality to find that I've upset someone, somehow, unintentionally. That makes my heart hurt. No one likes to hurt others, but I definitely don't. Its just been eating at me.

Do I have to sacrifice happiness to make sure those I love aren't hurt?

just gunna stand here and watch me burn ...

I'm burnt right now. Burnt out. Its making me emotional. Goodnight world, tomorrow will be better than the last couple of hours.

Butter Pecan.

I'm in a new place right now. Somewhere I am completely content with, and that comes with its own consequences, but right now, I'm happy and I'm going to ride that wave.

I feel so ... together. That is not something I've really felt strongly in the two years I've been at SAU. Not that I've felt like I've been falling apart all this time, but right now I have this overwhelming feeling of togetherness. I have this great job that I love, great roommates, great friends, great classes. And I've been having a wonderful time getting familiar with a new year and new people. This is the first time that I've felt like, to some extent, I've got the answers to the questions.

I think part of my feeling of being together comes from being content. Not from being content in not trying for better, but content with what I have. I'm content with being single. I'm content with my place in life, and where God is leading me (which is I have no clue where...). I finally have hope for the future. Trusting that God is faithful in life, no matter what, is what gives me hope. Hope that there is someone out there for me, but I'm not ready yet. Hope that my friends will be at peace with their lives. Hope that my problems in life will fix themselves if I don't worry, even that the problems I see really aren't problems to be fixed.

My prayer is that God strengthens me in order to help others, he renews my hope and trust in Him each and every morning, and that I remember this feeling. In this moment. Right now.

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So, B posted an old poem of hers the other day, and I thought I would go through my old poetry (I played around with it a bit in high school, then had to do a poetry project in high school...). I found one that almost made me cry, not because its great or anything, but I had to wonder what I was going through at the time to make my heart so ready to write this. But here it is!


another Freak, another Geek
just one more kid refusing to speak
cuz someone sits there telling him
you’re no good, you’ll never win.

another Prep, another Jock
one more kid that lives to mock
they go and do it without a care
while the victims think life’s not fair.

another Drinker, another Cutter
another cause for the world to mutter
they say she has nothing left to gain
not realizing they’re adding to the pain.

over there’s the Beauty Queen
and beside her another Hopeless Teen
the Queen’s world is on a silver platter
the other’s mourning doesn’t even matter.

another Dork, another Nerd
their name’s a scar the world concurred
they live each day with insecurity
brought about by others’ insanity.

the Molested, Abused, and Brokenhearted
their ranting hasn’t even started
be brave, stand out, be a rebel
give the kids hope, drop the label.

Over and over again. . .

I post about this every year, I know, but sometimes I just can't believe I pick such great friends...

I LOVE MY FRIENDS!

The look on your face is delicate. . .

So, first week of school is down. Done. over. We've had our first chapel, our first concert. Our first open mic night. I've met some freshies, had a couple of classes, had a fantastic floor meeting, been to some volleyball, soccer, movie on the lawn. Gotten to know my girls =] All in all, I think its been a great week. The downs have been there, but the ups far outweigh them.

Oh and we had roommate pictures today =] will be showing them later! I love my roomies!

One day down...

Wow. So the last week and a half has flown by. But it also seems like it began AGES ago. Almost a week and a half ago I began training to become a resident assistant, and earlier this week I officially became one. I am the resident assistant of Delta Two. A floor overflowing with diversity. Three girls from Wisconsin, Two from Canada, Two (maybe a couple more) from Ohio, One from Kansas. My floor is made up of a resident assistant, a spiritual life advisor, an intramural representative, a campus safety officer, two volleyball players, two soccer players, a volleyball manager, two track runners, graphic designers, teachers-in-training, future social workers, writers, accountants, musicians, swing dancers. Freshman, Sophomores, Juniors, Seniors, and Transfers. Caucasian, Latino, African American. My floor has a plethora of diversity, and I'm loving it. It is going to make for an extremely exciting year. Its keeping me on my toes already =] The girls are great and I'm enjoying getting to known them! I've already been shot at with spidey darts!


Here are a few pictures from the first days of school...