Toy Story

So today is a Woody day. If you know anything about Toy Story (the movie), you might remember that in the first movie, when Buzz Lightgear comes, Woody is pushed to the side by whatever his name. I am Woody, and I don't like it. This sad feeling overcomes me when I see my best friend doing the things that we used to do--the things that made our friendship fun--with someone else. Someone who is better at sports than I am, someone who is better at fighting, someone who is better at games and movie quotes. Those were things I know I'm not good at, but I had fun trying because I was doing them with my best friend. She is still my best friend, and times are tough right now, but I know she loves me. During my devotions today, I learned about how our obstacles are really just ways to strengthen our faith. We are to persevere through the tough times and we will become complete and mature through our perseverance. We will learn something about ourselves from having faith and pushing forward. I'm pushing forward. I'm bettering my self in this rough time, and things will become comfortable eventually. Until then I will continue praying.

Ghandi

So, you might be thinking, What inspirational gibber jabber does this girl have to offer from the words of Ghandi. I'm sorry to disappoint, but none. Ghandi is my red, male betta fish. My birthday gift from the lovely Kelsey Lehman. Oh and we had a staring contest today. He totally won.

obnoxious much?

Man I feel like one of those obnoxious blogger people. You know the ones, they blog about five times a day about things that really don't matter to anyone. In my defense, this blog was supposed to be my connection to home. I have to say that I think it was an epic failure. My only followers are not my family, but my friends, therefore I have decided that it is no longer necessary for me to post about mundane things that are boring to everyone (if any family is reading this, please let me know and I will continue writing about the day-to-day stuff that some people already know). Back to my point. The first (two) posts from today (well now yesterday) were directed to my family. This, this is directed to all of you who genuinely care to read my thoughts. My thoughts. Those that are my own. Not duplicates of anyone else's. That thought comforts me.

Well, as I was laying in bed about 15 minutes ago, I decided that I couldn't fall asleep until I got something off of my chest, something that I have just realized. My relationships with my friends have been great this year. No major fights. No uncomfort. No loneliness. Until now. I'm not saying that I have gotten into any major fights, because that is not necessarily the case. I have been lonely, which is sad considering I am surrounded by people here. The problem is that I don't pay attention to other people enough and when I need them, it just isn't quite satisfying to have them around. Now that sounds harsh. And I don't mean it that way. It is not that they have any failing within them. Its me that has the problem. These people have done all they can to make me happy, yet I remain sad, depressed even. While my relationships with my friends have skyrocketed, my relationship with God has, well sunk to what I would consider, a low-point. I have forgotten him until it is convenient for me. When I'm upset, I pray to him to fix it. Make me better. Give me peace. Why would he give me peace if I'm not willing to accept his love all the time? If I'm not willing to let that be enough?

What I've decided is that I have to put aside trying to fix the holes within my friendships, stop trying to fill the lonely space, and soak Jesus in. Pray. Worship. I don't think that any of this sadness will dissipate until I fill the empty space with my Lord. Only then will the holes of my friendships become whole. Only then will I be content rather than lonely. Only then will I be happy with myself and what God is giving me, because I am paying attention. There is peace in letting go. There is beauty in walking away.

Look in my side bar and listen to 'Beauty in walking away' by marie digby if you have time. It has been the nudge I need right now.

Birthday Happiness =)

I forgot to tell everyone in my last post about my amazing birthday...Mom, Ali, & Joe came up to visit on Saturday and they took me out to eat--we went to bd's Mongolian grill, and man was it great! After that we went to IKEA and stopped by Target so I could get khakis for my new job! (more on that Later!). We came back and they checked out my room, and after that I grabbed Emily and we went to dinner. Emily was amazing this weekend. I wasn't particularly excited about the weekend because everyone was gone and it was my birthday, but she was a trooper, and it ended up being probably one of the best birthday weekends ever. We talked a lot, which is something we haven't got to do in a long time (she was my roommate last year). We watched 500 days of summer and got mad at the characters, and we made funny videos and took great pictures. Another great person that I got to spend alot of time with RaeLee when she got back to school too. It was great. Then monday I got to start my first day at the Spring Arbor Cafe as a waitress. I have worked two days so far and am getting into the swing of things.

Tammera came back from her weekend on Monday and brought me back some magnets with the letters of my name on them. Kelsey brought me back a hippo named Heroldine, and the promise of getting a betta fish =) If its a girl its name will be Caliopy and if its a boy- Theophilus (though I am open to suggestions on this one). Also Madee and Angie made me cupcakes...well, once they are gone I will go back to my no-sweets-except-Friday rule!

and here's to the beginning of it all. . .

I'm not really sure where to begin with this one. I haven't been on here in a while and therefore there is a lot I'm sure I have to tell. We'll start with the end of 09. I finished yet another semester of college. Grades were good enough. In November, the Intramural football team that I was on won the championship! It was wonderful. We began the season off on a pretty rough note. We went out there and just kept chasing our tails. We did not know what we were doing, we had way too many people, and the team we were playing had it all together. By the end of the season, I had found my place on the team--the official 'Delpha' (that is representative of the floors of Delta and Alpha) hiker-- and my team had found its place within the ranks of the Spring Arbor University Intramural...Association... For the championship game we played the same team that slaughtered us in that first game. And guess what? We won. I'll leave the pictures to show you how wonderfully we won. . .

So, if you didn't catch that, we won 20-0. It was absolutely beautiful.

Before leaving for break, I got to spend time with friends I wouldn't see for a while. My roommates and I enjoyed decorating for Christmas. Later we had a Christmas party here on campus, in which we made and decorated sugar cookies, watched the Grinch, took funny pictures and made paper snowflakes (which never got put up).

Late December brought a little bit of relaxation with my family and friends. This break was actually tons better than last Christmas break. I was almost never bored (during the day anyway). I got to spend some time with Mindy B, Rachel, lots of time with Lauren, and Colten. Christmas brought some changes this year, but they were still good times, brought in with my family that I love.

Now, back to school I have been having a bit of a rough time. And the worst part is that I think that I have been taking it out on my friends a bit. I'm not sure quite what has been going on, but I just don't feel like I have been being the best me I can be. I also feel like I have been putting myself aside a little bit. I honestly don't remember when the last time was that I did something just because I wanted to do it. I feel like when I do things I either do them because someone else wants to or I don't do the things I want to do because no one else wants to do them. I am going to try to start doing things that I want to do, even if that means going by myself. I like doing things for people, and maybe that is my problem, I want to make people happy, and that makes me happy for the most part, but I just don't feel like I have been that happy lately, and that makes me sad. I know that I need to rely more upon God than I have been. Yesterday I went to Deeper (which is kinda like a Wednesday night church thing for college students) and I just saw how empty spiritually my life has been lately. When things are going well and are busy, I just forget to rely on God and to continue to develop my relationship with him. We'll see how things go with my new attitude and I'll let you know.