So ready. . .

I'm so ready for break to be over. I think I've hit my low today. Lets hope it doesn't continue spiraling downhill, or some of the relationships I do have left my be in trouble. Unless they already are.

changing like the seasons...

So, its, what?, four days into Christmas break, a very strange, out-of-the-ordinary break, and I'm just getting around to reminiscing. First I'll address why this Christmas break has been strange and out of the ordinary. One, up until last night (yes, Monday night) I hadn't left the house. I went outside once and that was just to move my car. Sad, I know. Two, I have no plans, with anyone. This is most unusual. I feel as though I am always booked, planning one thing after another to fit into my busy, busy schedule. This could be why I haven't left the house since Friday. Three, I am enjoying being home for the most part. And much of this has to do with the fact that I now have my own room. My own space. Somewhere to go when I feel unwanted elsewhere. This, unfortunately, doesn't help me escape from the unwanted feeling I'm fighting in my head. Four, I have only talked to three friends from school, and each of them only once for about five minutes (via text). Maybe I shouldn't have made this list, because honestly, this was supposed to be my happy part of the blog, the reason this was an unusual Christmas break. As I started writing I was thinking about how this strangeness made this a much better break than previous ones. In some ways it is, but in others, I'm just sadder.

I hesitate to write any of this, because I know who will be reading it. And I love those people that will be reading it. But I'm posting it hoping they don't read it. I need some relief from my sadness and I don't want them to feel hurt. So stop reading if you are one of those people.

And now on to the reminiscing part. Beginning of the year: my friends were girls, they lived with and near me, they filled my time, things were not easy, but always entertaining. End of the semester: I can't think of one friend that I have to tell everything to. Everyone has some one, and everyone's someone is better than me. I've failed people, lost people. Things have changed. I'm ok with change. But I'm sad. And lonely. I read things on other people's blogs about plans they are making, plans without me. Yes, maybe these plans will not come to fruition, but I'm not even a consideration anymore. At least I have Joe. That may be a cop-out of sorts, maybe its the root of my problems, I'm not around anymore because of him, so being left out is my punishment. But he wants me around. I give my time to those who want me around. I'm not going to chase after people who don't think to include me. I already feel lame for not being included, so I'm not going to make myself feel worse by having others take pity on me. Its just sad. Where are my girls? Who do I have to talk to? Everything has fallen, and its taken me being alone to realize it.

Pity party for me. Now its over. Back to life.



Things to look forward to:

- Christmas!
- New years on the Grand (in Grand Rapids with JOE!!!)
- I get a massage at some point...an hour-long one =)

frustrated!

I'm sad and its making me frustrated because I'm not this girl! Its ok to be sad, but c'mon, really? Its this bad?

oh, e.e., you speak my heart...

a poem by e.e. cummings

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

I hope that's me

So I've done a terrible job of posting every day, but, hey, I'm not going to beat myself up for it. I've been busy. Not doing anything super important, but still. I had a wonderful weekend with Joe. We didn't do anything special, but we had fun anyway. We basically watched the Matrix all weekend.

Tomorrow, well today, I get to drive him home! I get to meet his sister, have dinner with his family, get a tour of his house and his town! I'm super excited, but that also means that I won't be seeing him for 4 days. Manageable i suppose. Our one month "anniversary" is on Thanksgiving, and we might not talk, but its one month. Plenty of people can make it to one month. But I'm happy and loving it!

In this teenage dream tonight. . .

Today has been an awesome day. No. Lie. Spent the majority of the day with Joe, just hanging out. Today was the only day of the week we actually get to eat lunch together, so we did that. And we had a date today, usually its Wednesday, but this week Thursday worked better. We just walked around the mall and talked and stuff. We came back for Thanksgiving dinner, family style, with many of our friends. That was alot of fun, and I wish we hung out more with them, or with my friends. A little later was open hours and Joe and I watched Dumb and Dumber, his first time! We had a little time and watched a great episode of The Office. Then headed off to the Intramural Football Superbowl. It was cold, but it was fun to watch football again. Afterward, even though it was freezing, we went and got a Slurpee from 7-11, then came back and baked some brownies! All in all, I'd say the day was a 10 =)

Boyce Avenue

Boyce Avenue is cool. Look up Teenage Dream by them. =) happiness!

So I'm going to attempt to end my days with a little blogging. I'm not expecting myself to keep up with it every day. I'm just not that consistent with anything, but I'll try.

This week has been super busy, but really good. I feel like I'm finding the balance, and its a great feeling. There's definitely room for improvement, but its all gradual. For starters, this week has been crazy, but really great. And the next few days/the weekend is going to be just as crazy. I've got tons to do. I know I do.

Today I got to go to a pizza place in Homer with some girl friends for dinner and that was really fun, hopefully I'll add some pictures soon. Tomorrow I have a date with Joe! I actually get to spend alot of the day with him, which doesn't happen too often.

I don't really have much to say. Its been a great week. I'm not stressed about the stuff I have to do. I'm applying for a mission trip to the Dominican Republic. Tuesday I'm driving Joe home, and meeting the rest of the family. I'll stay the night with Madeline when I leave his house =) quality Rommie time. Super excited for the week ahead!

I've had the time of my life

Today has been wonderful. And I've only been up for an hour and a half =)

-Kelsey told me I looked good in purple
-I got a GOOD drink from Sacred Grounds (white mocha/coconut latte) for FREE
-Class was canceled
-I get time to work on homework!
-I heard Celine Dion coming from one of my rooms and knew exactly which one it was. THEN I've had the time of my life from Dirty Dancing came on, and I joined in on the party. Shannon and I danced!
-I got to talk to a few of my girls (hopefully one doesn't have a broken foot!)
-Katy Perry's Hot 'n' Cold makes me want to dance.

Good day. Good, good day. Thank you God =)

I've had a wonderful day. With even more wonderful friends. I wish a few more would have joined in, but it really was a great day. Except that when you're an RA in Lowell, and its November, and things are locked, people start recognizing you. RUNNNN!

Its alright, just wait and see...

This weekend has been fun but extremely frustrating. Things have went amazingly well with some friends I just haven't gotten the chance to spend time with in a while. But things with another friend have just gotten out of hand. I'm tired and frustrated with the games. I want to live my life and live it without drama. This weekend was a great opportunity to spend time together, but she blew it. I wanted to cry when i was around her. I was her human punching bag, metaphorically. That's not what friends are for.

Don't take this the wrong way, but...

So I was thinking most of the day about how I feel about myself. And I feel like that's a big part of being ready for relationships. You have to love yourself...yada, yada, yada. And this has nothing to do with the guy, I mean, he hasn't ever told me it, but I just realized this. I feel pretty. Like legitimately. Nothing to do with the boy, but I actually feel pretty, and comfortable in my own skin. And I like this.



....Oh and tomorrow I'm going on a Doughnut Date =)

Late night walks....

...result in boyfriends.

For all of you reading this, who don't talk to me on a regular basis, I have one of those. His name is Joe. You should meet him, he's great...

Arms. . .

Its wonderful to have someone to hug you when you're really stressed about life =)

Today was a Fairytale

I literally cannot stop smiling. I'm so happy right now. All of the events that have led up to this point in time have done nothing but make this moment all the more perfect. The good, the bad, the confusing. I can't change the way things happened with anyone, which means someone will inevitably be upset, and I don't wish for that. but i'm sure it will happen, and I think I'm ready for it. I think amidst building up my old support system, hopefully stronger than before, I've found an additional one. It doesn't negate the usefulness of any of the others, it just gives me a new one, another way to make me smile, build me up, and cheer me on.

Its been a great day, and a great night. I've had wonderful friends to share the crazy, unpredictable day with! Now that it is 4 a.m. and all I want is my closests, they are gone! I hope they hurry back soon because I think that I might die from smiling or something. ..

Just the way you are

The last few weeks have been rocky to say the least. But school is going well, the RA gig has been good. I need to jump on it and get a few more things rolling. Maybe some time I'll sit down and get things smoothed out. It seems like there is always so many other things to fix that when I have time, I just don't have the energy to work on it. I get to go home soon! I'm super excited. I just need my mommy =]

Hanging. . .

So much has happened in the last few days. So much. Leadership seminar. Midnight madness. Steak & Shake. Dress shopping. SLR. Homework.

Its been a busy week. busy.

...by a thread.

Candy corn

I should be studying. I have a test in about eight hours. which means i'm not getting valuable sleep before the exam. But it also means I get out of class early. I also had a really great day today. therefore, I do not want to study.

=]

Catastrophe in the making.

Yeah, that's been my life for the last couple of days. I am sad, but dealing quite well with it. I have had my happy moments, but I think those have caused all of the problems I've had in the last few days. I'm all good and happy, then I return to my reality to find that I've upset someone, somehow, unintentionally. That makes my heart hurt. No one likes to hurt others, but I definitely don't. Its just been eating at me.

Do I have to sacrifice happiness to make sure those I love aren't hurt?

just gunna stand here and watch me burn ...

I'm burnt right now. Burnt out. Its making me emotional. Goodnight world, tomorrow will be better than the last couple of hours.

Butter Pecan.

I'm in a new place right now. Somewhere I am completely content with, and that comes with its own consequences, but right now, I'm happy and I'm going to ride that wave.

I feel so ... together. That is not something I've really felt strongly in the two years I've been at SAU. Not that I've felt like I've been falling apart all this time, but right now I have this overwhelming feeling of togetherness. I have this great job that I love, great roommates, great friends, great classes. And I've been having a wonderful time getting familiar with a new year and new people. This is the first time that I've felt like, to some extent, I've got the answers to the questions.

I think part of my feeling of being together comes from being content. Not from being content in not trying for better, but content with what I have. I'm content with being single. I'm content with my place in life, and where God is leading me (which is I have no clue where...). I finally have hope for the future. Trusting that God is faithful in life, no matter what, is what gives me hope. Hope that there is someone out there for me, but I'm not ready yet. Hope that my friends will be at peace with their lives. Hope that my problems in life will fix themselves if I don't worry, even that the problems I see really aren't problems to be fixed.

My prayer is that God strengthens me in order to help others, he renews my hope and trust in Him each and every morning, and that I remember this feeling. In this moment. Right now.

Labels

So, B posted an old poem of hers the other day, and I thought I would go through my old poetry (I played around with it a bit in high school, then had to do a poetry project in high school...). I found one that almost made me cry, not because its great or anything, but I had to wonder what I was going through at the time to make my heart so ready to write this. But here it is!


another Freak, another Geek
just one more kid refusing to speak
cuz someone sits there telling him
you’re no good, you’ll never win.

another Prep, another Jock
one more kid that lives to mock
they go and do it without a care
while the victims think life’s not fair.

another Drinker, another Cutter
another cause for the world to mutter
they say she has nothing left to gain
not realizing they’re adding to the pain.

over there’s the Beauty Queen
and beside her another Hopeless Teen
the Queen’s world is on a silver platter
the other’s mourning doesn’t even matter.

another Dork, another Nerd
their name’s a scar the world concurred
they live each day with insecurity
brought about by others’ insanity.

the Molested, Abused, and Brokenhearted
their ranting hasn’t even started
be brave, stand out, be a rebel
give the kids hope, drop the label.

Over and over again. . .

I post about this every year, I know, but sometimes I just can't believe I pick such great friends...

I LOVE MY FRIENDS!

The look on your face is delicate. . .

So, first week of school is down. Done. over. We've had our first chapel, our first concert. Our first open mic night. I've met some freshies, had a couple of classes, had a fantastic floor meeting, been to some volleyball, soccer, movie on the lawn. Gotten to know my girls =] All in all, I think its been a great week. The downs have been there, but the ups far outweigh them.

Oh and we had roommate pictures today =] will be showing them later! I love my roomies!

One day down...

Wow. So the last week and a half has flown by. But it also seems like it began AGES ago. Almost a week and a half ago I began training to become a resident assistant, and earlier this week I officially became one. I am the resident assistant of Delta Two. A floor overflowing with diversity. Three girls from Wisconsin, Two from Canada, Two (maybe a couple more) from Ohio, One from Kansas. My floor is made up of a resident assistant, a spiritual life advisor, an intramural representative, a campus safety officer, two volleyball players, two soccer players, a volleyball manager, two track runners, graphic designers, teachers-in-training, future social workers, writers, accountants, musicians, swing dancers. Freshman, Sophomores, Juniors, Seniors, and Transfers. Caucasian, Latino, African American. My floor has a plethora of diversity, and I'm loving it. It is going to make for an extremely exciting year. Its keeping me on my toes already =] The girls are great and I'm enjoying getting to known them! I've already been shot at with spidey darts!


Here are a few pictures from the first days of school...

The art of losing myself in bringing you praise

So I'm going to start this again by saying that camp has been good for me. I applied and arrived at camp expecting this amazing experience. . . And I was let down. I didn't make friends extremely easily. Yes, everyone was nice to me (though sometimes it didn't quite seem like it with some), but I didn't really connect with anyone. I had no one to talk to, to confide in, to hug. Nothing at all like my friends from college. I came expecting exact replicas of them I think. A month went by and the closest thing I had to a friend was a 10 year old I saw maybe once every two weeks. There were people I really thought I could be friends with, people I thought were absolutely hilarious and friendly, but who I just couldn't bring myself to talk to or just couldn't quite connect with. There was no one to joke with, often I wasn't included in things, and that just made me feel pretty bad. Through all of this though, I was enjoying my surroundings, often just happy to be WITH people, even if they weren't talking to me about anything. I was happy, but I still longed to have the friendship that I had a college, the friendship I expected would just be waiting for me at camp. I had great weeks in that first month though, I was a kids camp counselor for three amazing girls, I reconnected with two girls I had went to camp with when I was in 5th grade and HADN'T SEEN SINCE, my grandparents came up for a week and I had an amazing time talking with them, and my sister and the Kings came up and I had a blast hanging out with them (making me really appreciate the fact that she chose to come to my college!). But during this great weeks with people I already knew, I didn't manage to grow in my relationships with anyone I had just met.

But that all changed about two weeks ago. Shopping is spiritual, and that's all you need to know. Just kidding, that sounds weird. Two of my co-workers and I drove to Lansing after their shifts and we spent the rest of the day shopping and talking. On the way back we really started talking about deep, spiritual stuff. And then a couple of days later I felt comfortable praying in front of them (which I honestly don't know if I've ever done out loud with my friends from home). Since then, I have grown in friendship with those two girls, we've had many more talks about our faith, how we've been growing, things we've found interesting, and things we're struggling with. We've helped each other through some tough times, and we plan on keeping each other accountable in our faith when we return to college. We've all hit spiritual highs being here at camp, we're in this bubble where being close to God is encouraged, and the beautiful Northern Michigan setting only encourages it further. Working in a camp setting also requires extreme amounts of strength daily. Strength I don't have anymore. I can't do it on my own and I've learned to rely on God for all of the strength I need throughout the day. Once we're back to school this won't be the case. We'll be comfortable, back into our routines, and God probably won't seem as necessary. But he is, just not in the same ways as before.

I've begun to make friend with some of the other people here, joking around with others and everything. I'm now comfortable with them and all of the loneliness of the first month has faded. Once I threw out my expectations of what I thought this summer should be, God provided for me. There are still a few people I don't talk to much at all, but not because I don't like them, honestly I'm not sure why because I would like to talk to them. There are still times I feel left out and get frustrated and think that people are mean and don't like me, but hey, anger for five seconds and I throw it out. Given to God.

I've been keeping (well I just started) a journal to track the good things that have happened within my spiritual journey. ...way too much to post now. Maybe someday I'll tell you some of the amazing stories. but before camp, I felt that there was a glass ceiling keeping me from getting anywhere near to close to God, that glass ceiling has gone and I really feel as if I have something to strive toward--getting closer and closer to God. I am no longer stagnant.

When the world's all as it should be...

So camp has been good for me. Definitely been preparing me for my leadership role as an RA. I thought I was ready, I didn't think there was anything left for me to learn or grow in. Boy was I wrong. Yeah, I still am a bit worried about being an RA, but I definitely know that I'm more worried about how I would have done if I hadn't learned what I've learned. I've always heard (especially at SAU) that we can all be lifelong learners, but I think the best lessons are those you aren't expecting to learn. I hope to come back to school and retain and put into action all of the things that I've learned, but I know it will be extremely difficult. Luckily, I've got two girls at camp that are going to try to continue to challenge me and keep me accountable, and vice versa.

I'm super excited for this year, I have high hopes, but more for relationships I hope to create with the girls on my floor than those that they may or may not create with others on the floor. I would love to achieve a cohesive community within a Delta floor. It is my challenge, and I've definitely been praying for it, but if it doesn't happen I won't get too disappointed. I believe that one of the first steps toward creating community within the floor is cultivating a strong relationships with the girls as individuals. Once they know I care, hopefully they'll feel included and want to join in and get to know others. I'm hoping to have plenty of activities and opportunities for people to get to know one another, but we'll see how it all goes. I know many of the girls on my floor, and they're wonderful people, definitely girls who get along with others, and girls who I'm proud to call my best friends. There are still so many things to be planning, so many things I need to work out yet, trying to schedule all of my activities, and schedule them around volleyball and soccer games, as well as trying to vary nights so those with night classes can be involved. I also want to try to meet with everyone individually at least once a month. I will also have to work closely with my amazing SLA--Shout out to KayLeh!-- to plan a great foundation for Bible Study this year. It will work, I just have faith that God is planning to do great things for the floor this year. I have so much I need to share with these girls--some of whom I haven't even met yet! My heart is here, I'm completely passionate about this job, and I'm ready to be God's amazing light in the lives of these girls.

This blog didn't go quite the way I planned for it to go, but I think I really needed to get some of this stuff out, I now have some of my goals down and "in writing" for others to keep me accountable to.

greener with every new day...

So I just want to let everyone know that I am really, really blessed to be working at the camp I'm currently at. I wish all of you who are reading this could understand the peace I feel with where I am right now. It is SO BEAUTIFUL. I don't think I could convey this through any amount of pictures. . . You'll just have to take my word for it.



And the people are great. I'm not super close with any of them yet, and we don't do anything super fun, and its not one big party all the time. But here and there we do have some fun, quick hours that go by when we laugh and have a blast... but the internet is working again so no one wants to talk to one another ... =]

Today the guys went pier jumping...and it was cold so I'm glad I did not go. Maybe later in the summer...





This is the group of girls I got to know this week. I shadowed their cabin and got to hang out with them and just have fun. They are such sweet girls...

Brooke, Counselor Becca (who I actually went to camp with YEARS ago), Peyton, Carl (Carlie), (front) Eme, Sarah




And i got a picture with them =]

Also ...I needed to show you the picture of the blister I got last week... (My war wound from this week will be up maybe tomorrow!)





And that's all folks!

Colors painted on . . .

So there isn't a whole lot to do up around here. We (the camp staff) often have trouble figuring out what to do around 9-11p. So last night...we went to the craft shop and painted one another's faces. It sounds kinda lame, but it was actually pretty fun, a kind of staff bonding time. =) Here are some pictures!

Camp Assignments

So I got back from my "days off" today. They mainly consisted of driving to and from Ohio. I did get to visit a lot of people who I haven't seen since my grad party. But since I've been back I have:
1. recieved my SAU shirt, my reward for working at camp
2. received my official assignment for the summer =] finally I'll know what to tell people that I'm doing. I'll be in the office part-time, in the crafts shop part-time, and all other time I will just be helping out with general stuff (kitchen, dishes, cleaning, ect.) And next week I will be a camp counselor for 6-8th graders.
3. Went boating while other were tubing and still managed to get wet (my butt looked like I had wet my pants...)
4. Made it to A&W just in time to get a rootbeer float =]

...now I'm ready for bed. early day tomorrow...6 a.m. WAKE UP!!!!!!

Beauty all around me

This was the picture I was going to post the other day. It is the view of Lake Michigan that is about 5 minutes away from where I am this summer. Absolutely beautiful =]

Camp - Days Dos y Tres

So I didn't get to write much yesterday because I was getting ready to go to bed, but not a lot of interesting things happened. I got assigned to weed the tennis courts and I'm still not done (day three). Its taking me forever. Though yesterday I met a ten year-old named Hobi. She was quite talkative and had a lot of interesting things for me to talk about and questions to answer. When I was weeding in the afternoon it started to rain and I was SOAKED. We also got ice cream, but that is about all that happened yesterday. Oh and our "band" played for us/practiced for the first time. Not too shabby, though I didn't know all of the songs... And I learned how to play the game Scum. So far games I've learned include: Scum, Dutch Blitz, and...I feel like there is another one, but I can't remember.

Soo...day three. I worked in the kitchen today. Holy stressful. I asked so many questions and I don't like feeling like i don't know what I'm doing. Anyway, I got through, and I only have one more morning of it this week. I prefer dishwashing. Although the people I get to work with in the kitchen are extremely nice. I got to make dessert today. Chocolate eclairs. mmmm. After the day was over played sand volleyball for about 2 hours. I could have done better. Need to work on my spiking. Or whatever. I failed at that today. But I did good otherwise, serves, passes, getting hit =) After that we went to Lake Michigan and made a fire and walked the pier. I got a nice picture of the sunset, I'll have to upload it cuz its just on my phone. Oh and I have a huge blister. A little bigger than the size of a dime. And for a blister, that's big. Well, I'm outta here...Gotta get up and be in the kitchen at 7 a.m. Womp, womp.

Day Dos

So I think I've realized what God is ultimately trying to teach me at this time in my life---Patience and love for EVERYONE. Especially the obnoxious. More postage later.

Camp - Day One

So I think I know everything there is to know about dishwashing. Maybe. Its gross. It takes forever. And I smell like a fish. (? don't know why, but I do). Today was a long day. Got up at 6:45a and will be going to bed around midnight. I'm guessing this is going to be a common occurrence. Maybe I should try to go to bed earlier. Its difficult now because everyone is mingling and getting to know one another, and I'm still so far behind. I only arrived a few hours after everyone, but I am still, by far, the quietest of the bunch. I do a little better in small groups, but even then it is only like two or three others.

Sleeping has been difficult, there is no vortex at camp (a.k.a. TOO QUIET HERE). I cant wait for college again. And my bed is basically a slab of concrete. But no complaining. It has been fun here so far. The people are great. They're nice, they are easy going and easy to get along with. There are a few that I think might get on my nerves a bit, but we're trying to improve on this attitude of mine over the summer. No complaints about WHERE i'm staying. The location is good. Not too hot. Bathroom is good. Tomorrow I get to learn the ins and outs of good food service. Though I won't necessarily be handling food (though other than the 7a start, I wouldn't mind much).

Its beautiful up here. Someday I will put pictures on, but probably not while I'm here this summer (my camera cord is at home and it doesn't work for this computer anyway). Maybe I'll try with my phone. My only complaint is that it is on the chilly side. Only 66 tomorrow =[ I don't think I needed that 50 SPF sunscreen. And because the weather fluxuates so much and we do so much random stuff, I think I changed my pants 4 times today. I almost have a load of laundry ready to be washed and I've only been here for about 28 hours. Holy moly.

....almost. there. . .

To Go:

_ Photo Exam
_ Pop Culture Exam
_ Finish Pop Culture Journal
_ Pop Culture Presentation
_ Honors Stuff
_ Packing
_ Cleaning
_ Moving Out

the simple pleasures.

So much good and bad to say... Lets start with the bad and end with the good. . .

Bad

My computer is ...broke... for lack of a better word. I can't connect to the internet, no matter how hard I try. Tech services was no help. Britany Miller might have been. She told me to take it somewhere other than SAU and have them check for Malware. Thank you B Miller.

Second. I work Monday and Friday as normal. But Saturday and Sunday as well. No life this weekend. I miss JJ Heller, and I don't get to run home to get boxes for packing. I hate working a whole weekend. Its so tiring. But at least I make some moolah...

Good

I got to go see my sister for prom this weekend. She looked gorgeous =]

I went home with Kelsey this weekend (to my house) and had a wonderful time. I got to see the people I loved and remembered how much I love and miss my family, especially my sister. And happy news...SHE'S COMING TO SPRING ARBOR FOR COLLEGE!!!!

I have wonderful roommates...and future roommates...and friends in general.
- Kels and I went to Goodwill this weekend. We bought Cougar golf clubs. Campus golf, here we come!
- We also bought Angie a game at Goodwill...Arthur goes to the Library! She loves the (children's) show Arthur (you know, the aardvark...)and she looked like a little kid at Christmas when we gave it to her. Kelsey found the game and was a genius. We played it and had a lot of fun. It produced plenty of giggles.
- We went to get coffee at 10p and ran into Emily and Britany =] Always fun times!

I also found out who the majority of my floor for next year is WAHOO!!! I'm getting super excited about it too!

That's all I have to say for now. It isn't likely that I will post any time this week...no computer, work-a-holic, and tons of photo projects...

Less depressing update

So sorry, I feel as though my last few posts have been depressing to say the least. But things are what they are and I'm just learning to take one step at a time...na na na nanana (channeling my inner jordin sparks just then). Anyway, things are stressful, but almost done, almost done, ALMOST DONE! Sad in a way, because things will be changing in a major way, but more happy than sad. Next year holds so many possibilities, and I just cannot wait. My goal is to improve myself next year, but to improve for me, and for God, not for anyone else. Hopefully around friday I'll get to find out who is on my floor for next year (returners at least, but still tentative).

Oh and a super upper UPPER...I get to go home to see my sister go to her last prom =] She's gorgeous and she made my day today, just by writing on my facebook wall. I love that kid.

huyjyhht5rt5ryu77u

On a scale of 1-10 (1 being the worst), my day has been a 4. I'm tired. There were TOO many people in the darkroom. My proof sheet came out foggy. I wanted to cry. I have to work. I still have MORE pictures due this week (which means that if all my previous pictures came out foggy, I have to quickly go take MORE.). I just want to relax.

The only good thing about today...I have great friends. Great roommates. and my first RA meeting tonight.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.....

After a really busy crappy weekend, I find out I have a photo project due tomorrow at 1:30 =( So basically I'm up at the crack of dawn finishing up a roll of pictures (probably random, crappy ones) just so I can get my assignment done. I'm so sad/upset/disheartened right now. I love this class and I feel like I'm just doing it halfway. . .

Yucky weekend...

This is my weekend:

Friday: work 4-9p
dinner 11:40p
Saturday: walk for Relay for Life 2-6a
sleep 6-1p
walk for Relay 2-2:30p
work 3-9p
Sunday: church 11-12:30p
work 2-7p
Monday: chapel 10-11a
classes 1:30-4:10p
work 5-9p


Basically. yuck. My feet hurt. I'm exhausted and I don't wanna work.

hot coffee at . . . 2:30 a.m.

So, I'm officially trying to complete my second ever all-nighter. I have so much to do, and today is Form Frenzy at our school. Form Frenzy is where everyone who is currently wanting to go on a cross cultural the following year brings all their filled out forms to a bunch of people (who aren't around until like 7 a.m.). The hectic thing is, its basically first-come, first-served. So if you're wanting a really competitive cross cultural experience, you want to be one of the first ones in line, but the building doesn't even unlock until 6 a.m. Frustrating. I want to go to Greece. Think Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants. Think stunningly gorgeous. Think, these pictures...





Oh and I can't really go to bed after that because I have to shoot a whole role of motion and depth-of-field for my photography class. It has to be shot, developed, and proof sheet processed, plus an additional proof sheet for another roll. It will probably take me all day. Then class, then helping a friend with a presentation. Yay. Fun day!

Sad day...

I'm now at the library--I found a spot that has free Wi-Fi =)
But they made me throw away my toasted coconut coffee...BOO!

Spring Break...Post Number...FAIL.

So basically I've failed at keeping this updated for Spring Break. Blame it on the lack of good internet. The only place I've found with wireless is a coffee shop in downtown Bryan which is only open until 2:30p and I have to buy something every hour. it sucks, but I've come to completely adore their Toasted Coconut flavored coffee. It makes me think I'm on some beach, somewhere...

My spring break has consisted of homework, homework and more homework. I've been working my butt off on Music stuff for my online class..one more week, one more project left to finish. The project is a little challenging. I have to do a listening outline for a piece of classical music. I've chosen a Chopin piece that I like, but I cannot find absolutely anything about the piece online. So much for the world wide web that has EVERYTHING.

I have gotten to hang out with some friends. Take some pictures of my adorable cousins. And spend some time sleeping. Tonight is my sister's musical ... Bye Bye Birdie. I don't know what she is in it, but she has a short solo!! Woot Woot! Will hopefully get some good pictures =)

That's basically all I have to say before I pack up. I'm at the coffee shop and they are basically shooing me out of here. They've had cleaning done for about an hour and I'm one of the few left...Adios readers...

Almost forgot...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BEAUTIFUL KELSEY LEHMAN!! YOU'RE OFFICIALLY NOT A TEENAGER! HELLLOOO 20!!!

Spring Break, report one.

Welcome to the first edition of ‘Bri’s Spring Break’. Within this first edition, we will be exploring the goings-on of Bri’s life during the first few days of Spring Break. This will be a special edition, as it will cover a couple days at a time. (Hopefully) there will only be one special edition this week =) Here goes:

Day 1:
Saturday my mom, my sister, and I went to look at some prom dresses for my sister. Fail. The women at the store told them that the poufy dresses would be in, but they weren’t. So we left. We then drove into Defiance to look at track shoes for my sister. We went to Khols, found shoes for her, I got a couple of pants. We left, went to the mall and got ready to watch a movie. Our choice in movie was something about Olympians. It looks good, but we waited to see it and they were having problems with the film, so we had to leave. We got to watch Alice in Wonderland and it was pretty good. We also got refund tickets to use at another time, free! Then we went a couple of other places and came home.

Day 2:
Sunday my sister had me wake up early so we could go to the 9:30 service at church because she had to work at 11:00. While at church, she realized that she didn’t have to work after all and we got up for nothing. I went home, slept til 3:30p and read an entire book in one day. Haven’t done that in a while.

Day 3:
Monday the goal was to wake up early. Fail. I didn’t wake up until 11:20. I got up and went into a coffee shop at home to do homework. I left at about 2, grabbed a cup of coffee to go. It was toasted coconut flavor. I had my mind convinced for about 2 minutes that I was in somewhere very warm. Soaking up the sun. Then I remembered that I was in Ohio, the temperature was maybe 50 and It was dreary and cloudy. Now I’m home watching Couple’s Retreat with my sick mother. Fun.
Later…I’ve watched 2012 as well and am attempting to watch Lost on Netflix, but our computer at home is stupid and its taking me twice as long to watch. I’ve already been through a bowl of apple pie a la mode and leftover mac n’ cheese. Sheesh…

Friendship Never Ends. . .

So you are officially reading words from the new RA of Delta 2 next year! I'm so excited! My roommates/suitemates are wonderful human beings and I can't wait to share in their lives (and many others) next year! I've got my theme mostly worked out, and I'm pretty sure it is going to be awesome. OH by the way, the roommates (for next year) deserve a shout out--Kelsey Lehman, Britney Miller, Emily Cleveland! Love you!

To celebrate, my lovely roommates (Kelsey, Madeline, and Angie) went with me to Steak and Shake and we had tons of fun laughing and eating. It was wonderful. Kelsey and I are now winding down the night watching Bones and loving it.

tomorrow I head home for Spring Break, but I have plenty to do before then. The room needs cleaned, dishes need done, and stuff needs to be packed. It came so quickly. And of course I cannot wait for it. Time to sleep, relax, finish homework. Homework doesn't sound fun, but it will be nice to have it done.

all princes start as frogs . . .

Today was a beautiful, wonderful day. That's all there is to it. But it did get cloudy and I didn't like that part of the day, but I feel like I got a little done today and was semi-productive.

So Madee, Kelsey, and I just had a little blast from the past discussion. "Wait for Me" by Rebecca St. James came on my iTunes DJ and we started talking about all of the Christian artists we liked when we were younger...Superchic[k], BarlowGirl, Steven Curtis Chapman, Chris Rice, Relient K, ZoeGirl. It was pretty interesting. Now we're sitting here listening to some of the songs, its quite entertaining.

Countdown to Spring Break: 3 days!!!
Countdown to RA EMAILS: 1 1/2 days!!!!

Here it goes, here it goes, here it goes again.

So today was rather uneventful. Went to lunch, went to photography, went to popular culture, went to work, went to Applebees, hung out with my fabulous Kelsey Janaye.

I did love the weather today. and I realized that I could go home on Thursday if I'm ready (and I probably won't be). Unfortunately (whether because of the weather or my hopefully retreating cold) I've gotten a couple of bloody noses today. Gross, I know, but props go out to Kelsey who was a complete and total doll. A one-of-a-kind trooper that girl...she hung out with me during the worst one. Cleaned up after me. Helped me try a couple things to make it go away. Scolded me for touching my nose too much when it was gone. Man I love that girl. Grossed out by everything, but she still managed to help me. Of course it was probably a little more manageable than the vomit she encountered while score-keeping for a boy's basketball game today.

Hopefully I can remember to call and get a hair appointment for next week. I'm thinking about getting a slightly different cut. . .

Countdown to Spring Break: 4 days!!!
Countdown to RA EMAILS: 2 1/2 days!!!

There's a she wolf. . .

So for all of you who read my last blog, disregard the part where I said that I was no longer sick. It DID subside on Tuesday and Wednesday, but came back on Thursday with a vengeance and continues to bug me today. So much for getting better.

I spent the weekend in Lansing at Kelsey's house with her and Rae. While I was a sickly child, we still managed to have some fun, take some pictures, watch some movies, make pies, and watch some bball.





Oh and I must tell you about what Kelsey did this week! Here is a little background: Angie, Kelsey, Madee and I have had a running joke about Shakira's She Wolf video. If you haven't seen it yet--watch it. Anyway, Kelsey brought back a beanie baby wolf after Christmas break and hid it in Angie's closet (there was a she wolf in her closet. . . hehe). Anyway, since Interim we have been taking turns hiding the wolf in each other's things and it has been Kelsey's turn for a while. Here is what she did. . .



Madee went to the bathroom and screamed, Angie SAT ON IT!

Countdown to Spring Break: 5 days!!!
Countdown to finding out about RA POSITION: 3 1/2 days!!!!

The sickness comes and the sickness goes

I've actually enjoyed being sick a little bit--I've only been sick since yesterday, and today I feel much, much better. With the exception of having a massively sore throat, I have gotten more sleep and pretty much get away with quite a bit =)

I'm so looking forward to this weekend though, getting off campus, going up to lansing with Kelsey and Rae, hopefully having fun rather than spending time doing homework. That is what Spring Break will be for ...

I don't really have much to say, Focus series is tomorrow and teachers are going a little crazy with it, assigning much more homework in addition to the piles we already have. It is looking at Just Economics, which could be interesting, we'll see.

I'm off to dinner soon. Hopefully something good will be in the dc, if not maybe i will convince Kels to go to Ada's for some soup! Sick people like soup. That is what I will say.

Be praying for me--my individual interview for my RA position is FRIDAY AT 10 AM!!! I will find out next week if/what I get!! Can't wait!! Also I have some wonderful possibilities (? or is it already definite?) for roommates next year! So puumped!!!!

Malk

Mainly the only reason I'm posting at this time of night is that I have 19 posts and I need a nice even 20. Here's the overview. Class sucked tonight. Volleyball sucked tonight. A few other things might have sucked as well, but we'll try to be optimistic for the kids.

I only caught the tail end of our Ice Cream Social with our brother floor, which consisted of only three guys by the time I got there. My group interview for the RA position is on Thursday, so be praying!

...so...Malk...
watch this video, it explains all...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ty62YzGryU4

If I was a tomato...

I'm going to work out soon with Kels, so this one is going to be my attempt at being quick, a sixty-seconds of sorts.

I'm applying to be a Resident Assistant for next year, that would mean I would be "in charge" of my own floor. I'm excited about that and I have to turn in my application by Friday. I will find out before Spring Break if I got a position, but that will be after a couple of interviews happen.

I am working at the Spring Arbor Cafe for all of you who didn't already know. Its a little restaurant in Spring Arbor and I just work a couple of days a week, notthing too overwhelming. **Spring Arbor Students, you get 10% off!**

I tried a paczki yesterday in honor of Fat Tuesday (the day before Lent starts) its actually pronounced (poonch-ki).

I love Frosted Flakes with my whole heart. I got a ginormous box of them yesterday. We also got a new coffee pot cuz ours pooped out on us.

I am in a photography class and I developed my first roll of film this week =) turned out great!

For my Popular Culture class we are required to do technology fasts and one day last week I went 24 hours without (well trying) looking in a mirror. I have two more 24-hour periods to go. Also, I am in the second day of three of not listening to any recorded music. That has been interesting to say the least. Me and two of my friends went to Walmart yesterday and I couldn't listen to the radio, so one of them sang the whole time. On the way to Walmart it was all Veggie Tales, all the time! This is a perfect transition to the final point of this blog...


I asked Angie what she would do if I was a tomato and this was her reply-- "I would become a cucumber because then we could be Bob and Larry and we would be BFFs." That is my favorite, and I've been asking this question since jr. high.

mysterious as the dark side of the moon

So today has been one of those days. You know the kind, you begin the day completely positive that nothing good could come out of it, but then when looking back on the day, it has been one of the best in a while. I think that everything that I expected to be one thing was the complete opposite. I expected to go to photography class today (its one of my favorites), that didn't happen. The first class of the semester that I skip is not because I want to skip, but because I needed to get a few things straightened out with my best friend. I expected to go to one of my classes and having to sit through a completely irrelevant lecture, but I was surprisingly interested. I expected to go to work and be bored out of my mind, but I was quite busy and had some fun, even connected with some of my new co-workers a little more. I expected to go to intramural volleyball and do a little better than I did (actually I was hoping our team would win), that was not the case. I expected to go to Bible study, but forgot and instead had dinner (at 11pm) and talked about my relationship with God with one of my friends. All in all, it was a good night, turning out completely opposite of what I expected =)


My favorite things about today:

"No probs, no probs!" Paul Patton

"We're TWINKLES!" Britney Miller

Kelsey breaking RaeLee's pencil, while writing her an apology note for breaking her freezer door.

Toy Story

So today is a Woody day. If you know anything about Toy Story (the movie), you might remember that in the first movie, when Buzz Lightgear comes, Woody is pushed to the side by whatever his name. I am Woody, and I don't like it. This sad feeling overcomes me when I see my best friend doing the things that we used to do--the things that made our friendship fun--with someone else. Someone who is better at sports than I am, someone who is better at fighting, someone who is better at games and movie quotes. Those were things I know I'm not good at, but I had fun trying because I was doing them with my best friend. She is still my best friend, and times are tough right now, but I know she loves me. During my devotions today, I learned about how our obstacles are really just ways to strengthen our faith. We are to persevere through the tough times and we will become complete and mature through our perseverance. We will learn something about ourselves from having faith and pushing forward. I'm pushing forward. I'm bettering my self in this rough time, and things will become comfortable eventually. Until then I will continue praying.

Ghandi

So, you might be thinking, What inspirational gibber jabber does this girl have to offer from the words of Ghandi. I'm sorry to disappoint, but none. Ghandi is my red, male betta fish. My birthday gift from the lovely Kelsey Lehman. Oh and we had a staring contest today. He totally won.

obnoxious much?

Man I feel like one of those obnoxious blogger people. You know the ones, they blog about five times a day about things that really don't matter to anyone. In my defense, this blog was supposed to be my connection to home. I have to say that I think it was an epic failure. My only followers are not my family, but my friends, therefore I have decided that it is no longer necessary for me to post about mundane things that are boring to everyone (if any family is reading this, please let me know and I will continue writing about the day-to-day stuff that some people already know). Back to my point. The first (two) posts from today (well now yesterday) were directed to my family. This, this is directed to all of you who genuinely care to read my thoughts. My thoughts. Those that are my own. Not duplicates of anyone else's. That thought comforts me.

Well, as I was laying in bed about 15 minutes ago, I decided that I couldn't fall asleep until I got something off of my chest, something that I have just realized. My relationships with my friends have been great this year. No major fights. No uncomfort. No loneliness. Until now. I'm not saying that I have gotten into any major fights, because that is not necessarily the case. I have been lonely, which is sad considering I am surrounded by people here. The problem is that I don't pay attention to other people enough and when I need them, it just isn't quite satisfying to have them around. Now that sounds harsh. And I don't mean it that way. It is not that they have any failing within them. Its me that has the problem. These people have done all they can to make me happy, yet I remain sad, depressed even. While my relationships with my friends have skyrocketed, my relationship with God has, well sunk to what I would consider, a low-point. I have forgotten him until it is convenient for me. When I'm upset, I pray to him to fix it. Make me better. Give me peace. Why would he give me peace if I'm not willing to accept his love all the time? If I'm not willing to let that be enough?

What I've decided is that I have to put aside trying to fix the holes within my friendships, stop trying to fill the lonely space, and soak Jesus in. Pray. Worship. I don't think that any of this sadness will dissipate until I fill the empty space with my Lord. Only then will the holes of my friendships become whole. Only then will I be content rather than lonely. Only then will I be happy with myself and what God is giving me, because I am paying attention. There is peace in letting go. There is beauty in walking away.

Look in my side bar and listen to 'Beauty in walking away' by marie digby if you have time. It has been the nudge I need right now.

Birthday Happiness =)

I forgot to tell everyone in my last post about my amazing birthday...Mom, Ali, & Joe came up to visit on Saturday and they took me out to eat--we went to bd's Mongolian grill, and man was it great! After that we went to IKEA and stopped by Target so I could get khakis for my new job! (more on that Later!). We came back and they checked out my room, and after that I grabbed Emily and we went to dinner. Emily was amazing this weekend. I wasn't particularly excited about the weekend because everyone was gone and it was my birthday, but she was a trooper, and it ended up being probably one of the best birthday weekends ever. We talked a lot, which is something we haven't got to do in a long time (she was my roommate last year). We watched 500 days of summer and got mad at the characters, and we made funny videos and took great pictures. Another great person that I got to spend alot of time with RaeLee when she got back to school too. It was great. Then monday I got to start my first day at the Spring Arbor Cafe as a waitress. I have worked two days so far and am getting into the swing of things.

Tammera came back from her weekend on Monday and brought me back some magnets with the letters of my name on them. Kelsey brought me back a hippo named Heroldine, and the promise of getting a betta fish =) If its a girl its name will be Caliopy and if its a boy- Theophilus (though I am open to suggestions on this one). Also Madee and Angie made me cupcakes...well, once they are gone I will go back to my no-sweets-except-Friday rule!

and here's to the beginning of it all. . .

I'm not really sure where to begin with this one. I haven't been on here in a while and therefore there is a lot I'm sure I have to tell. We'll start with the end of 09. I finished yet another semester of college. Grades were good enough. In November, the Intramural football team that I was on won the championship! It was wonderful. We began the season off on a pretty rough note. We went out there and just kept chasing our tails. We did not know what we were doing, we had way too many people, and the team we were playing had it all together. By the end of the season, I had found my place on the team--the official 'Delpha' (that is representative of the floors of Delta and Alpha) hiker-- and my team had found its place within the ranks of the Spring Arbor University Intramural...Association... For the championship game we played the same team that slaughtered us in that first game. And guess what? We won. I'll leave the pictures to show you how wonderfully we won. . .

So, if you didn't catch that, we won 20-0. It was absolutely beautiful.

Before leaving for break, I got to spend time with friends I wouldn't see for a while. My roommates and I enjoyed decorating for Christmas. Later we had a Christmas party here on campus, in which we made and decorated sugar cookies, watched the Grinch, took funny pictures and made paper snowflakes (which never got put up).

Late December brought a little bit of relaxation with my family and friends. This break was actually tons better than last Christmas break. I was almost never bored (during the day anyway). I got to spend some time with Mindy B, Rachel, lots of time with Lauren, and Colten. Christmas brought some changes this year, but they were still good times, brought in with my family that I love.

Now, back to school I have been having a bit of a rough time. And the worst part is that I think that I have been taking it out on my friends a bit. I'm not sure quite what has been going on, but I just don't feel like I have been being the best me I can be. I also feel like I have been putting myself aside a little bit. I honestly don't remember when the last time was that I did something just because I wanted to do it. I feel like when I do things I either do them because someone else wants to or I don't do the things I want to do because no one else wants to do them. I am going to try to start doing things that I want to do, even if that means going by myself. I like doing things for people, and maybe that is my problem, I want to make people happy, and that makes me happy for the most part, but I just don't feel like I have been that happy lately, and that makes me sad. I know that I need to rely more upon God than I have been. Yesterday I went to Deeper (which is kinda like a Wednesday night church thing for college students) and I just saw how empty spiritually my life has been lately. When things are going well and are busy, I just forget to rely on God and to continue to develop my relationship with him. We'll see how things go with my new attitude and I'll let you know.