The art of losing myself in bringing you praise

So I'm going to start this again by saying that camp has been good for me. I applied and arrived at camp expecting this amazing experience. . . And I was let down. I didn't make friends extremely easily. Yes, everyone was nice to me (though sometimes it didn't quite seem like it with some), but I didn't really connect with anyone. I had no one to talk to, to confide in, to hug. Nothing at all like my friends from college. I came expecting exact replicas of them I think. A month went by and the closest thing I had to a friend was a 10 year old I saw maybe once every two weeks. There were people I really thought I could be friends with, people I thought were absolutely hilarious and friendly, but who I just couldn't bring myself to talk to or just couldn't quite connect with. There was no one to joke with, often I wasn't included in things, and that just made me feel pretty bad. Through all of this though, I was enjoying my surroundings, often just happy to be WITH people, even if they weren't talking to me about anything. I was happy, but I still longed to have the friendship that I had a college, the friendship I expected would just be waiting for me at camp. I had great weeks in that first month though, I was a kids camp counselor for three amazing girls, I reconnected with two girls I had went to camp with when I was in 5th grade and HADN'T SEEN SINCE, my grandparents came up for a week and I had an amazing time talking with them, and my sister and the Kings came up and I had a blast hanging out with them (making me really appreciate the fact that she chose to come to my college!). But during this great weeks with people I already knew, I didn't manage to grow in my relationships with anyone I had just met.

But that all changed about two weeks ago. Shopping is spiritual, and that's all you need to know. Just kidding, that sounds weird. Two of my co-workers and I drove to Lansing after their shifts and we spent the rest of the day shopping and talking. On the way back we really started talking about deep, spiritual stuff. And then a couple of days later I felt comfortable praying in front of them (which I honestly don't know if I've ever done out loud with my friends from home). Since then, I have grown in friendship with those two girls, we've had many more talks about our faith, how we've been growing, things we've found interesting, and things we're struggling with. We've helped each other through some tough times, and we plan on keeping each other accountable in our faith when we return to college. We've all hit spiritual highs being here at camp, we're in this bubble where being close to God is encouraged, and the beautiful Northern Michigan setting only encourages it further. Working in a camp setting also requires extreme amounts of strength daily. Strength I don't have anymore. I can't do it on my own and I've learned to rely on God for all of the strength I need throughout the day. Once we're back to school this won't be the case. We'll be comfortable, back into our routines, and God probably won't seem as necessary. But he is, just not in the same ways as before.

I've begun to make friend with some of the other people here, joking around with others and everything. I'm now comfortable with them and all of the loneliness of the first month has faded. Once I threw out my expectations of what I thought this summer should be, God provided for me. There are still a few people I don't talk to much at all, but not because I don't like them, honestly I'm not sure why because I would like to talk to them. There are still times I feel left out and get frustrated and think that people are mean and don't like me, but hey, anger for five seconds and I throw it out. Given to God.

I've been keeping (well I just started) a journal to track the good things that have happened within my spiritual journey. ...way too much to post now. Maybe someday I'll tell you some of the amazing stories. but before camp, I felt that there was a glass ceiling keeping me from getting anywhere near to close to God, that glass ceiling has gone and I really feel as if I have something to strive toward--getting closer and closer to God. I am no longer stagnant.